Megan McFadden · Follow
10 min read · May 31, 2020
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For anyone who knows me, they would be extremely confused why I wrote this because I’ve never been on a romantic date before. The truth is even though the probability of me dating anyone anytime soon, yet alone ever, is slim, the romance department is a pretty important topic to talk about, especially if your significant other (SO) is vegan.
1. Learn the differences between vegan and vegetarian immediately.
Many people believe veganism and being vegetarian are the same thing when they aren’t. The best way to explain it is all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. In the same way, all vegans are vegetarians in the sense that they don’t eat meat, but most vegetarians will never be vegan and not eat eggs, dairy, and more, in addition to consuming no meat.
For example, an omelet (omelette) is vegetarian because it is made from eggs while a tofu scramble is vegan because it is made out of soybeans. Additionally, cheese pizzas are vegetarian because they have cheese on them, but at some pizzerias, a pizza without meat and cheese is vegan.
2. Date locations can make or break your relationship.
Depending on the vegan, you might have to be extremely particular on your date locations. Avoid the circus, farms, zoos, aquariums, rodeos, fishing, hunting, horseback riding, bullfighting, greyhound racing, dog shows, county fairs, and the list is endless. These places are some of the many places known for animal cruelty in the vegan community.
3. Only eat at vegan-friendly restaurants.
My biggest turnoff when I’m out in public with others is eating out because it’s difficult to find vegan food at most restaurants. I would be so offended if a guy would take me on a date to a very non-vegan establishment that I would find an excuse to leave and then ghost him. To prevent heartbreak over this, please use the app Happy Cow to find a vegan-friendly restaurant near you.
Here are some of my favorite vegan-friendly establishments in no particular order:
Here are some cuisines that tend to have vegan-friendly options:
- Mediterranean/Greek/Israeli/Middle Eastern (falafel, hummus, tahini, etc.)
- Italian (mainly referring to pasta places, not pizzerias)
- Indian (i.e. curry)
On the contrary, here are some cuisines and restuarants I recommend you avoid when you are on a date with a vegan, since they tend to not have much or any vegan options:
- stereotypical fast food (i.e. McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Burger King)
- breakfast joints/diners (Denny’s, IHOP, Perkins, etc.)
- Mexican (since a lot of the food is typically made with lard)
- family restaurants (either a lack of demand for vegan alternatives or too small to provide those)
- anything with meat in the restaurant name (like LongHorn Steakhouse, Chick-fil-A, and KFC)
- Japanese (very meat-based)
- buffets (cross contamination)
- sandwich shops (cross contamination and some places have milk in all of the bread options)
- bars/pubs (typically a small amount of vegan beverage and food options)
- Chinese (like Panda Express, Chinese buffets and Hy-Vee’s Chinese takeout)
4. Make sure they consider it okay to get pets before you get one.
This logic might sound silly at first because since pets aren’t food, why would my significant other be against having a pet? The simple answer is in the vegan community, some people are against having pets. Simply put, a huge difference between many vegans and non-vegans is their disbelief and belief in speciesism, aka human superiority over nonhumans. Most non-vegans believe mankind is better than any other species, so people have the right to take advantage of nonhumans for their own benefit, like for food, clothing, and entertainment (animal welfare). The majority of vegans believe that nonhumans and humans are equal, and that means they shouldn’t be a human’s property nor used for a human’s benefit (animal rights).
Another debate involving pets in the vegan community is if vegans should have non-vegan pets or not. I have two cats who eat a carnivorous diet because of being carnivores by nature. Granted, there are ways to make cats vegan, and I’ve encountered a decent amount of vocal vegans disapproving their diets. I’m not going to enforce my vegan diet and lifestyle on my cats because they’re not meant to be herbivores.
5. Buy them vegan stuff.
If you want to get your significant other a Valentine’s Day chocolate box, check out No Whey Chocolate. Don’t give them any stuffed animals because many vegans think they represent animal cruelty. If you’re getting them any processed food, don’t buy it unless it has a certified vegan logo, and only give vegans non-food items that have an official cruelty-free logo on them, in addition to being completely vegan.
6. Get rid of your leather.
When I say you should toss your leather, I mean try your ultimate best to get more sustainable and vegan alternatives to your stuff, in addition to your food. For example, the next time you buy clothes or furniture, get some with vegan leather. Other things to cut out include fur and wool items and anything containing down.
7. Get a consensus on if your current or future kids should be vegan or non-vegan.
One of the biggest conversations you are bound to have with your vegan significant other deals with if your future or current children will be raised vegan or not because this potential issue can make or break your relationship with them.
I don’t know the best way this conversation should be brought up, but I recommend being open to having vegan children and not stating any doubt you have in having vegan kids. Then, you can avoid this conflict altogether.
8. Have your language be more animal-friendly around your significant other.
One of the biggest things that surprised me after I became vegan in 2017 was how much our language emphasized cruelty towards animals. Here are a few of many negative expressions towards animals.
- You’re dead meat.
- Don’t badger me.
- Who let the cat out of the bag?
- You’re such a chicken.
- Stop pigging out.
- It’s raining cats and dogs.
Additionally, there are many questions you should never ask your vegan significant other because they’re offensive. Here are 10 of these rude questions.
9. Tell your family and friends that your partner is vegan and to respect that side of them.
If you are serious about possibly marrying your significant other someday, you’ll have to introduce them to the people in your life, no matter if they are actual family members, friends, or even a landlord. Since most people aren’t vegetarian or vegan, saying someone is vegan is a little hard to grasp, and that is why this news should be told beforehand.
Speaking from experience, I’ve been vegan for over three years, and some of my family and friends still say offensive comments to me about it. Some examples include a few feel like I’m going through a phase and will convert back to eating meat again, and my immediate family is excited to see if I would eat a hamburger if I got amnesia.
If you would tell your loved ones about your significant other’s veganism and its importance to them, your family and friends would be less likely to say anything negative to your significant other because of their veganism.
10. Don’t give them a diamond engagement ring.
The diamond industry promotes slavery. Blood diamonds weren’t made up to spice up the 2006 movie Blood Diamond. Conflict diamonds are real, but not all diamonds are mined through slavery.
Instead, consider buying from jewelry brands that fight against human trafficking. If you still want a diamond ring, make sure it’s not a conflict or blood diamond.
Personally, it would be more meaningful to propose with something that means something to your partner. Even though it might seem lame to give them something like a quarter your partner dropped on your first date or your diary of the great memories you’ve had, it’s a lot more personal and way less cliché.
11. Do your research.
Veganism is a touchy-feely subject, and if you mess up by telling someone that your significant other (SO) is practically vegetarian in front of them, expect a breakup to occur within 24 hours of saying that ignorant comment.
Here’s a list of other things you need to know about veganism, besides that it’s different from being a vegetarian.
- What food isn’t vegan?
- What food is vegan?
- Where do vegans get their protein and calcium from, instead of meat and milk?
- Why is your significant other vegan?
- How long has your significant other been vegan?
- Why do many vegans eat meat alternatives or substitutes, instead of the real deal?
If you want a more thorough definition of veganism to help you out, here is what veganism is in a nutshell.
12. Learn how to cook vegan meals.
It’s one thing to know which foods are vegan and non-vegan. It’s another thing to cook vegan food. Lucky for you, I made this vegan Pinterest board that has hundreds of vegan recipes from bloggers and vloggers around the world. Pick a recipe or two from there, and start cooking.
There are also a gazillion vegan cookbooks out there. Here are mine for some inspiration.
13. Don’t treat your significant other differently due to their vegan lifestyle.
Most of the time, whenever I tell someone I’m vegan, tension ensues. A bunch of anger and uncalled questions come into play for no reason. Please treat vegans like everyone else, but also treat them differently because of it.
The best analogy I have is when bad things happen to you in life. The people in your life would probably be aware of what happened and how that changed who you are forever. A good support system would know the balance of treating you like nothing occurred to help you move on while being supportive when you need the extra attention. That is a way that your life’s obstacles can make you stronger, not defeated.
Similarly, your partner’s veganism is part of who they are, and they have changed who they are because of that. Reasons vary on why people go vegan, and it can be deeply personal. The point is to be in a successful romantic relationship with a vegan, you have to be aware of their beliefs and then never ask them to have any part in non-vegan cooking and activities.
14. Become vegan.
The biggest thing you could do to accommodate for your vegan significant other is to become vegan. This action shows you’re pretty serious about being with them. If you feel like becoming vegan is too much right away, try becoming flexitarian first.
15. Support feminism, not gender roles.
In case you weren’t aware, a good chunk of vegans are huge feminists, aka supporters of gender equality. That is why it’s important to mention gender roles when you talk about having relationships with vegans.
Masculinity and femininity are societal constructs, not facts. Women have the right to propose. Men can take their spouses’ surnames. You can have some sort of stay-at-home dad and a working mom. For example, my mom is a doctor, and my dad quit his job as an engineer to take care of us kids and to become a farmer.
Gender roles also occur outside of relationships. Men have the right to express their emotions and cry without being scolded, and women don’t have to wear makeup or dresses to look good.
Lastly, a romantic relationship is a team of multiple individuals who work together, instead of someone being more dominant and the other being submissive.
In short, dating a vegan may not be easy, but if they are the right person for you, the things you do to accommodate and accept their veganism are worth it.
If you are interested in learning more about veganism and/or reading more of my articles, please follow me on Medium.
This article was originally published as a blog post on Mischievous Monsters at https://mischievousmonsters.com/sweetheart/.
